Julie Lyles Carr: I'll Take the One With the Guilt Sprinkles, Please....

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I'll Take the One With the Guilt Sprinkles, Please....

Whatever genetic deficits M and I might bring to the table, we did bring some pretty kickin' dental heritage.  Neither one of us needed braces as kids, M has a blazing white Chicklet smile, we have very few cavities or any other enamel issues between the two of us.  M has actually been turned down for tooth bleaching--they told him his couldn't get any whiter.

My dad used to laugh and tell me that when I was in the market for a husband, I should find one with an oil well and perfect teeth.  I decided to ignore the first requirement in lieu of the second.  And you would think that all this denticle forethought would have counted for something when it comes to the kid crew.  You would think wrong.

It looks like most of the our crew will be participating in our local orthodontist's 'Put Me In A Big Outboard Motor Mini-Yacht' campaign--you know, that feel-good, for-profit event.  While M and I trafficked personally in bicuspids that lined up and faced forward, most of the kids' dental accessories have chosen their own paths, as in, crooked.  We've already invested in head gear, five sets of varying degrees of brackets and braces, two palater expanders, spacers and one Morro device.  And that's just finishing off treatments for the first 2 and a half kids (3 of 8 is still in process).  But thankfully, most of the kids got titanium enamel.  We have a zero cavity count in several of the heads...except for two.

2 of 8 and 5 of 8 apparently have teeth made of plaster.  We don't do soda pop.  We limit candy.  Their teeth have big holes in them anyway.  Saturday night, stoic, quirky 5 of 8 made his way downstairs and said, "Mom, my tooth kinda hurts."  I looked at his foremost molar and saw a tiny dark spot....uh oh.  I told him, "Buddy, I think I see a little cavity.  We'll need to call the dentist office on Monday, okay?"  He shrugged his shoulders, nonchalantly nodded and wandered off.

Twelve hours later his right cheek looked like it had been to a squirrel convention on how to stuff maximum acorns in your cheek.  His little face was swollen and slightly red, which I'm pretty sure is not a good sign.  We got quickly into the dentist, got referred on to the pediatric guy and Surprise!  BIG HONKING CAVITY WITH ABSCESS--with me doing the whole Mommy protest of explaining how 5 of 8 only started complaining Saturday night and how I'm related to a dentist and hardly any of the other kids have cavities and how we hardly ever drink soda and I give to charitable organizations and I even recycle a lot....The pediatric guy then shows me x-rays of 5 of 8's mouth.  It's funny how teeth can resemble Swiss cheese.  That would be 5 of 8's teeth.  Little rectangles with dark holes cast on them.  Oh great.  Did I mention that I recylce....a lot?

All this dental devastation has occurred since 5 of 8's last appointment in the fall.  He will be having a Dental Spa Day next week to extract and fill and seal and whatnot.  I would continue to protest to ease my Mommy Guilt, but I learned something with 2 of 8 years ago when her x-rays came back looking like Swiss cheese.  As I made my speech about no pop and no candy, she corrected me.  It seems that after brushing her teeth every night, 2 of 8 would go into her closet, dig in her secret stash and gently place a Tootsie Roll between her teeth and gums.  Read it again.  Yea.  Every night.  Unbeknownst  to me.

So, I may be back to assuage some more guilt, but right now I'm on a hunt.  A Tootsie Roll hunt.  Now if I were a seven year old boy, where would I hide my stash?.....
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