Julie Lyles Carr: Homeschool Couture...

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Homeschool Couture...

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Dear Mighty Fighting Ocelots of Octamom Homeschool Academy:


It has come to our attention that there has been some confusion regarding dress code.  Ever since abandoning the Great Homeschool Uniform Code of '02 (when the neighbor showed up unannounced during the middle of the school day and everyone had on swimsuits...in January) , we have tried to create a firm definition of appropriate school wear.  To clarify any misunderstanding, please keep the following rules and their attendant images on file for future reference.  Thank you.


~~INSTRUCTORS~~


It is important that instructors look professional and crisp at all times.  To that end, we ask that Sock Monkey Jammies be a staple in your wardrobe as the color blue promotes a sense of calm and the sock monkey print helps to camouflage any unfortunate figure flaws.


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Please also note that big clips are an essential wardrobe necessity.  See the following image for acceptable Instructor hairstyles.


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~~BALLGOWNS ARE NOT ONLY ALLOWED BUT ARE ENCOURAGED~~


We have found that princesses are able to better concentrate on their phonics lessons when they are dressed according to their station in life.  Math lessons are also completed more thoroughly and quickly when crowns are worn.


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~~BONUS POINTS ARE GIVEN FOR NO SHIRT, NO SHOES~~


And more bonus points are given if you wear swim trunks, as then we can go with no underwear...all of which cuts laundry loads by an estimated 32.7 percent over the course of a month.  The swimwear uniform is now available as a school day choice since Octamom Homeschool Academy is now conducted in a latitude/longitude coordinate substantially closer to the equator.


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~~MULTI-TASKING WARDROBE CHOICES ARE APPRECIATED~~
This also is a visual reminder to the Instructor about the number and type of extracurricular activities on a given day.
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~~PAJAMA PANTS AND RECYCLED T-SHIRTS FROM 1ST GRADE SHOW SIGNIFICANT FASHION SENSIBILITY~~
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Glasses from the 1980's with the lenses removed also help render a self-image that is brainy...
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~~ONLY ONE FASHION DIVA IS ALLOWED PER SCHOOL YEAR~~
This is the Diva for this year...if you are not her, do not attempt to care deeply about fashion.  This position has already been filled.
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~~SAGGING IS AN APPROPRIATE HOMESCHOOLING GANG SYMBOL~~


...especially when your mother can't remember where she put the bucket of hand-me-downs that is your actual size...


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~~GAME CONTROLLERS ARE NOT CONSIDERED SCHOOL DAY ACCESSORIES~~


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but Spiderman t-shirts are always welcome...


~~PLEASE SEE THE FOLLOWING COMPREHENSIVE LIST FOR ACCEPTABLE FOOTWEAR~~


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(boots available to Diva Title Holders only...)
~~AND REMEMBER--YOU'RE NEVER FULLY DRESSED WITHOUT A SMILE~~
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That is all.
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