To All Members of the Octamom Clan:
Dateline: For Immediate Distribution and Review
Subject: Gift Continuity and Deadlines
It has come to the attention of the personal shopper for the family, aka Octamom, that a distressing phenomenon has begun to be in evidence in regards to the requested seasonal gift items, i.e. The Santa Christmas Letter. The requests processed in late November were taken at face value and were assumed to be of validity for the duration of the holiday period. However, it has now come to the attention of the management that several of you are beginning to waffle on the specific items found on those original lists. While Octamom experienced great personal joy and fulfillment going from store to store to search for the discontinued Barbie that appeared on the original request forms for one particular girl in the family, there is a growing sense of distress and futility now that the request for said item has been changed. While Octamom also found it darling and precious that a specific DS game appeared in the first paperwork, the verbal changes made to the previous written contract are leaving her feeling a bit overwhelmed and out-shopped.
While there may be validity to the arguments that surely such a creative and ingenious mythological creature such as Santa Claus should be able to handle such late changes, Octamom would not want to put the poor guy out. Therefore, new procedures will need to be followed concerning this issue. From hence forth, items put in writing on the original Santa Letter will be considered binding and impermeable to whims and fancies as the holiday season and its attendant commercials drone forth. It is recommended that any item included in the Santa Letter document be carefully considered for inclusion before the final drafts are sent, as further changes will not be allowed as they cause hysteric levels of stress and holiday-failure syndrome for Octamom. Please be advised: if you include a request for a High School Musical clothing item, that request will be processed and unavailable for further edit once the month of December clicks over on the calendar.
Please provide your signature in the space provided to show that you have read and understood the policies and procedures. Also please note that orders will be processed in the order in which they were received, not by virtue of how many items are included on the Santa Letter list. Let it be known that having more items on your Santa Letter list than any other family member does not, in fact, make you the 'winner', contrary to the beliefs of a particular 5 year old in the Octamom household.
We appreciate your understanding and adherence to these policy clarifications.
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