Dear State of Oklahoma,
First, let me say that my affection for you continues to run strong. I am so thankful for the 15 years I lived within your borders. Six of my children bear your state seal on their birth certificates. I loved calling myself an Oklahoman and wept rivers of tears when I had to move on to a different state.
So please keep this in mind...I do love you.
But there is an issue we need to discuss, something that is necessary for me to say if we are going to keep the communication and love flowing. Please don't be defensive. I only say this for your own good.
You need to buy a calendar.
One with all the major national holidays listed on it.
And highlighted in yellow.
Because here is what I've noticed multiple times now as I have traveled back to your state lines.
You seem to have a nasty habit of peeling up several lanes of your major state highways during national holidays.
When traffic through your borders is the heaviest.
And you make people sit in their cars for long periods of time. And stare at traffic cones. And feel their bladders reach the bursting point.
I know you're a little busy being a state and all, so I thought I would at least give you a heads-up on the rest of the 2010 calendar year.
September 6th, Labor Day
November 25th, Thanksgiving
December 25th, Christmas
I left off some of the upcoming holidays that are not known for being as travel-heavy, like Columbus Day. I thought you could ease into this a bit.
But dear Oklahoma, if you want me to come home for Christmas, you're going to have to leave more than one lane each for directional travel.
I don't think I can sit in the parking lot you call the highway south of Ardmore anymore this year.
I do still care about you.
But a girl traveling in a van with seven kids does have needs.
All the best,